Mom & Pop Home School

For the afternoon session of conference today, which we were fortunate enough to watch live in the comfort of our own home, there was a choir made up of children from two Utah cities. They were spit-and-polished to within an inch of their lives, and they sang and behaved beautifully. My own children were quite impressed with the children in the choir and shared these observations:

Sunshine (Pop had pointed out to Sunshine that there was a little girl who was missing a front tooth, just like Sunshine, who lotht one yesthterday.)” “Hey, you’re right, Dad! She looks just like ME! …..I wonder if I’m  there….” 

Cricket (During the closing hymn): “You mean those kids sat in those chairs for two HOURS?! Mom, are you sure those are really kids and not robots who just LOOK like kids?”

Ok, I’ve been busted. You’re right, I really am part of an alien species who has been living on this planet for the past hundred years or so experimenting on the human population of the North American continent. Recently an anonymous blackmailer sent me photos of myself going back to the 1950’s, noted that I do not appear to have aged significantly in the past half-century, and threatened to expose me unless I paid him/her a huge chunk of the money I’ve made by investing in big oil for nearly a hundred years. However, I think that the humans with whom I have been closely associating have begun to suspect something anyway, and I want to keep my money. Therefore I have decided to publish this public confession along with the series of photographs so there will be nothing left for the blackmailer to expose.

Here I am, as captured by high school yearbook photographers through the years. (I found the artificial social milieu of American high schools fascinating and spent a lot of time there doing sociological research for my people).

This is the first photo (that was found, anyway) of me, from 1950.

 This one, from 1960 is of slightly higher quality.

And here I am again in 1964.

As you can tell in these photos from 1970 and 1978, respectively, I spent the seventies examining how differences in socioeconomic and cultural situation affected the highschool experience.

 The eighties were another ballgame altogether. I never could figure out the whole “big hair” thing. Here I am in 1980, 1984, and 1986.

By 1990 I had finally gotten the hang of the hair. More or less.

Which, of course, meant that we went back to straight styles. Here I am in 1996, 1998, and 2000. Before you ask, yes it was more difficult to maintain my secret identity in the field once I got married and had a child. This is why Iwithdrew from the research team in late 2001.

I am sad to say that my anonymous blackmailing friend also got wind, somehow, of the year I spent masquerading as a male of the human species in order to make an objective comparison between the social behavior of the males versus the females. I was quite relieved when my supervisors decided that I was really too feminine to pull the role off convincingly. However, in the interest of full disclosure so that there’s nothing left for the blackmailer to hold over my head, here is my yearbook photo from 1956.

So now, dear reader, you know the worst. And, you rotten blackmailer, wherever you are, you have nothing left with which to threaten me. So there! What do I look like now? Aaaahhh…..the world may never know…..

(A note to my fellow research team colleagues: if you want to check out what they may have on YOU, go to www.yearbookyourself.com. Be sure to post what you find on your blog and leave me a link in the comments. Wink, wink.

 —Mom)

Q: Did you hear about the guy who lost his entire left half in a horrible accident?

A: Don’t worry, he’s all right now.

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Q: What did to ocean say to the seashore?

A: Nothing. It just waved.

(Highlight the area between the “A:” and this line to see the answer)

Q: How can you tell if there’s an elephant under your bed?

A: You bump your nose on the ceiling.

(Highlight the area between the “A:” and this line to see the answer)

Q: Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

A: To connect its body to its head.

(Highlight the area between the “A:” and this line to see the answer)

Q: What weighs 2000 pounds and has a stick in it?

A: A hippopopsickle.

(Highlight the area between the “A:” and this line to see the answer)

Q: Which American president wore the biggest hat?

A: The one with the biggest head.

(Highlight the area between the “A:” and this line to see the answer)

Q: What’s the best way to prevent infection from biting insects?

A: Don’t bite them.

(Highlight the area between the “A:” and this line to see the answer)

Q: What was the worm doing in the cornfield?

A: Going in one ear and out the other.

(Highlight the area between the “A:” and this line to see the answer)